School Jokes

Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back there tomorrow?

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb "to sing"?
Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
TEACHER: " Of course not."
PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."

A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
Teacher: What are you waiting for?
Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

Student: Sir, what is an idiot?
Teacher: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Student: No.

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

Bank Teller: How do you like the money?
English Student: I like it very much.

Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well...yes and no.

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk...
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run...

S1: Look at your face I know what you had for breakfast
S2: Really? What was it?
S1: Eggs.
S2: No, that was yesterday!

Teacher: Did you father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself!

Teacher: What are some products of the North of Iran?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get tea from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor!

سلام

امیدوارم که حال همگی خوب باشه. متأسفانه من همچنان در بی اینترنتی به سر میبرم و نمیتونم وبلاگ رو به طور منظم به روز کنم.

به هر حال، برای امروز چند تا معمای انگلیسی آماده کردم که امیدوارم خوشتون بیاد.

جواب معماها رو میتونید در ادامه مطلب ببینید.

1. Why was Karl Marx buried at Highgate Cemetery in London?

2. What odd number becomes even when beheaded?

3. Why is the letter E like London?

4. What has four wheels and flies?

5. What kind of running means walking?

6. What stays hot even if you put it in a refrigerator?

7. What can't be used unless broken?

8. What two words contain thousands of letters?

9. What has nothing but a head and a tail?

10. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney while working?

11. What has three hands but only one face?

12. Why is the letter "E" so important?

13. Who works only one day in the year but never gets fired?

14. When can you have someting and nothing at the same time in your pocket?

15. Where can you always find money?

16. Why do fish live in water?

17. What is black when it is clean, and white when it is dirty?

18. Why are grandpa's false teeth like stars?

19. What word is pronounced wrong even by native English speakers?

20. What will make more noise in your house than a dog?

HI everyone!

Want to have some fun and laugh a little? So read this post! I've got some jokes about school- I mean teachers and students. I'm sure you would like them!

By the way, don't forget to tell me your opinions and ideas, and if you wanted any specified grammar point just write it in the "comments" at the end of the post. Or you can send an e-mail to a_farjadnasab@yahoo.com and tell me about it.

See you next Friday! Have a good time!

Teacher: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Teacher: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born!

معلم: پدرت چند سالشه؟

پسر بچه: همسن خودم.

معلم: چطور چنين چيزی ممکنه؟

پسر: همينکه من به دنيا اومدم، اون هم پدر شد!

Teacher: Kumar, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Kumar: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

معلم: کومار، انشائی که درباره "سگ من" نوشتی دقيقا مثل انشاء برادرته. از روی اون نوشتی؟

کومار: نه آقا، هر دو درباره يک سگ نوشتيم!

Girl: "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."
Mother: "That's nice of her to take such an interest. What did she say when you told her you are the only child?"
Girl: "She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"

دختربچه: مامان، معلممون امروز ازم پرسيد خواهر يا برادر ديگه ای ندارم که بخواد مدرسه بياد.

مادر: معلوم ميشه خيلی مهربونه که همچين علاقه ای نشون ميده. خب وقتی بهش گفتی تنها بچه ما هستی، چی گفت؟

دختر: فقط گفت: «خدا رو شکر!»

Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Student: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Student: "No hair, Sir."

معلم: تو چرا هيچوقت موهات رو شونه نميکنی؟

شاگرد: شونه ندارم، آقا.

مغلم: خوب از شونه پدرت استفاده کن.

شاگرد: مو نداره، آقا!

Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher: How?
Student: Ladies first.

معلم: اين جمله را درست کن: «گاو نر و گاو ماده در حال چريدن در مرتع است.»

شاگرد: گاو ماده و گاو نر در حال چريدن در مرتع است.

معلم: چطور؟

شاگرد: خانمها مقدمند!

TEACHER: John, go to the map and find North America.
John: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: John!

معلم: جان، برو روی نقشه، آمريکای شمالی رو پيدا کن.

جان: اينجاست!

معلم: درسته! بچه ها، حالا شما بگيد چه کسی آمريکا رو کشف کرد؟

بچه ها: جان!

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
John: "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

معلم: جرج واشينگتون نه تنها درخت گيلاس پدرش رو قطع کرد، بلکه به اين کار اعتراف هم کرد. حالا، کسی ميدونه که چرا پدرش اون رو تنبيه نکرد؟

جان: چون تبر هنوز توی دستش بود؟!

TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
John: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

معلم: عجب جورابهای عجيب و غريبی پوشيدی! يکيش سبزه، يکی هم آبی با خالهای قرمز!

جان: بله، واقعا خيلی عجيبه. يک جفت هم دقيقا مثل همينها توی خونه دارم!

TEACHER: Now, John, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
John: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

معلم: خوب، جان، صادقانه بگو، قبل از غذا خوردن دعا ميکنی؟

جان: نه آقا، لازم نيست، مامانم آشپز خوبيه!

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

John: A Teacher.

معلم: به کسيکه ميبينه ديگران علاقه ای به حرفاش ندارن ولی باز هم حرف ميزنه، چی ميگن؟

جان: معلم!!!